Talk with your teen, not at your teen

Patiently guide their thought process

Ephesians 4:2-3 NIV
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Consistently invest in the relationship

Proverbs 23:22-26 NCV
Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not forget your mother when she is old. Learn the truth and never reject it. Get wisdom, self-control, and understanding. The father of a good child is very happy; parents who have wise children are glad because of them. Make your father and mother happy; give your mother a reason to be glad. My son, pay attention to me, and watch closely what I do.

Honestly convey your struggles

Galatians 6:1-3 NLT
Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important

Authoritative = You make all of their decisions
Contemplative = Make decisions with them and their input

Think of it like this, in Preschool, as a parent, you will make 100% of the decisions; in grade School you start to give them more input in the decision making 80/20; by the time they are tweens it might be more like 60/40 in making decisions; as they get to their teens decision making becomes more 50/50.

Ephesians 6:4 NLT says “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

If you don’t adapt your parenting style you will quickly find yourself in violation of this command!

The key to contemplative/cooperative decision making is communication! (two way, give/take, talk/listen)

Teen years are filled with success/failure, winning/loosing, laughter/tears, boys/girls. The key is leveraging each and every opportunity to teach your teen the right way to live life. Sometimes how you talk with your teen ends up leaving a more lasting impression than what you talk to your teen about!

Difference between and exclamation point and a question mark:

What were you thinking! or What were you thinking?
Why did you do that! or Why did you do that?

As parents of teens we need to use fewer exclamation points and more question marks!

Teach our teens how to think, not just what to think.

- Arm them with questions that they can ask themselves even when you are not around
- They are beginning to develop their thought patterns, belief system, trying things out

If you don’t invest in the relationship someone else will.
Fight less, Invest More. Fight for the relationship but not in the relationship

Lastly, use your failures to empower their success.

Seems like such a long, laborious process: Your not raising them so that they can make decisions within the bubble of your home. Your raising them so that you can confidently release them into a world filled decisions and consequences; joy/sorrow; laughter/pain. And whether we like it or not, it’s coming faster than we want to admit!

So, Patiently Guide, Consistently Invest, and Honestly Convey to help your teen be ready!

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