"Intimacy isn’t possible without familiarity." -Dave Crandall

When you look up the definition of “intimacy” there is a word that pops out as a part of every definition in every dictionary, familiarity. In essence, the dictionary is telling us that for intimacy to come into being their must be familiarity between the two parties. Familiarity of course means that you have spent some significant time with the other person outside the context of intimacy in order to build a higher level of familiarity. The bottom line, intimacy isn’t possible without familiarity.

If you want intimacy to grow within your marriage you’ve got to kindle the flame of closeness, oneness, familiarity. You must know your spouse inside and out, their likes, dislikes, loves, habits, and passions. This doesn’t happen overnight, it takes a great deal of time, effort, and intentionality. When was the last time you spent time with your spouse just for the purpose of getting to know them better?

In just a few short months Traci and I will be empty nesters, I honestly have a hard time even thinking that, but nonetheless it’s true and it’s unstoppable. What would our marriage be like if we had not spent the last 24 years continuing to learn each other? What if we had stopped fighting so hard to stay close, and be each other’s best friend and encourager? What if all our attention had been placed on our girls? Well, you know what would happen, you’ve seen it. We would soon find ourselves living in a house with a stranger that we are completely unfamiliar with.

Listen, I’m not saying it’s easy, the opposite is true. But if you want a marriage that is filled with a sense of trust, comfort, understanding, and yes intimacy, then you’d better invest some valuable time and effort into getting familiar with your spouse!

Dave Crandall grew up on the south side of Indy, so when he became the Senior Pastor of Friendship in the fall of 2004 he was coming home! Dave married his college sweetheart, Traci, and has two beautiful daughters, Kaitlyn and Georgia. He loves watching Colts football, spending time with his family, and listening to a good tune from Third Day.