To Fight Fair You Must Focus On Becoming One, Not Who Won!

Mark 10:7-8 NLT
‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one…

James 1:19-20 NIV
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

I must become eager to listen!

Proverbs 18:13 NIV
To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.

I must slow down my response!

Matthew 12:36-37 ESV
I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Proverbs 10:19 HCSB
When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but the one who controls his lips is wise.

I must lengthen my fuse!

Proverbs 15:18 NIV
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.

Proverbs 19:11 NLT
Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.

Listen To Entire Message Here

If you enter into an argument with the mindset of winning, you’ve already lost. 2 are 1, win and loose at the same time!

You must change your desired result: Oneness, reconciliation, mutual agreement, compromise, harmony!

Types of Failed Listening:

Judgmental Listening: Constantly jumping to conclusions without hearing all of the facts
Selective Listening: Only hearing what you want or expecting to hear
Impatient Listening: Finishing their sentences or interrupting
Egocentric Listening: Thinking about your response while they are talking
Patronizing Listening: Pretending to listen, but your off in your own world
Stubborn Listening: Your listening, but you’ve already made up your mind

Slow down by:

Focus in on the other person
Ask questions
Take a deep breath and make sure they are finished
Paraphrase to clarify
THINK before you speak

We get mad quickly when we feel Unaccepted…Unappreciated…Unsupported…Unprotected…Uncertain

Getting mad can be both destructive and humiliating!

Instead:

Talk with each other not at each other
Attack the problem, not your spouse
Fix the issue, not the blame
Let some things go