Speaking A Language of Love – Part 2

Picking up right where we left off last week in “Speaking A Language of Love” to your spouse and what words you choose to use to do that.

Avoid using hot-button words that you know irritate or anger your spouse.  Pray for the strength you need to speak carefully and peacefully. Listen before you answer, and think before you speak.  Also make sure you’re communicating with the right tone of voice and facial expression.  Aim to speak words that are truthful, uplifting, forgiving, thankful, and scriptural.

Ask God to help you accept and appreciate the differences between you, while also learning how to use them to complement each other well.  Remember that, in God’s eyes, you’re both equal and valuable.

Do what you can to help meet your wife’s important needs for closeness, openness, understanding, peacemaking, loyalty, and esteem.  She wants you to be close, and NOT just when you want sex.  Open up to her by sharing your thoughts and feelings fully, listen to her without trying to fix her, try to resolve conflicts in ways that are mutually beneficial, and always assure her of your love and commitment that you will love, honor, and cherish her through your actions.

Do what you can to help meet your husband’s important needs for wisdom, insight, and leading the relationship.  He wants you to recognize and thank him for his desire to work, thank him for his motivation to protect and provide for you, acknowledge his desire to lead and don’t constantly question his leadership. Listen to his ideas and advice, value his desire for you to be his friend and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him, and respond to his need for you sexually without depriving him.

Keep in mind that God alone has the power to ultimately meet every person’s needs.  So when your spouse fails to help meet some of your needs, don’t get upset.  Turn to God instead.

The more you and your spouse start giving each other what you need, the more your efforts will motivate each other to keep giving, creating a cycle that constantly energizes your marriage.  But to get the cycle going, you’ve each got to learn how to speak the language of love and respect to each other.

~Nick~