Monday, February 1st 2016

"The past was often the item that exposed those cracks and ripped open those scars, making it very difficult to heal, to become truly new and a follower of Christ.
" -Josh Miller

Conquer2016_PastBlog

I spent the first 25 years of my life without a clear understanding of Christ and without accepting him as my Lord and Savior. During this time I not only bought into the lies of our culture but often tried to lead others deeper into what our culture described as cool, awesome, and success. Many of the “norms” in my life then are things I try very hard to avoid now: manipulating others, alcohol misuse, bigotry, lust, envy, and so on.

I realize now that God allowed me to make a choice, live a life for the here and now (as our current culture desires) or live a life full of true joy, happiness, grace and fulfillment (which He offers).

My choice to follow culture created an individual that was resentful, angry, selfish, and broken. While I know now that I am forgiven of my sins, it often does not feel like they have washed away without leaving cracks, scars, tears and rips in my heart and mind. The past was often the item that exposed those cracks and ripped open those scars, making it very difficult to heal, to become truly new and a follower of Christ.

Initially for me, the past was something as simple as my best friend (a brother) from college texting me to get a drink. I want to say yes, I want to “knock back a few”, and I want to have a “good time” just like we use to. I would often think, “I am different now, I am changed, I am made new in God,” but this desire to be accepted was so strong it almost became impossible to move forward.

To get through it I completely disconnected myself from my old friends, my old ways–my old everything.

I got busy understanding where I was at versus where God said in his guide (the Bible) I should be. I found new friends whom were connected in faith and I slowly began to expose those rips, tears, scars and cracks to them. To my amazement they accepted me as I was, just as God had done all along. They gave me forgiveness as He had and they showed me what it meant to love one another. They even supported me through my struggles (including my past).

Don’t get me wrong, there are often times even today, where past thoughts, past habits, and just the past in general creeps in making it difficult to move in the direction of God. When this happens, I pause, I pray, I think, I pray, I talk with wise council (wife, friends of faith, and others), I pray and I do everything within my power to ensure that I am following God.

For the most part I am successful, but there are times when I lose my cool, I make a mistake, or I simply make the wrong decision. In these moments, I try really hard to learn, trust in God, and continue to move forward. This is the only way in which I know how to push out the past, heal the scars, and follow God.

Philippians 3:12-14(ESV)

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.


Josh Miller and his wife Melissa have been attending Friendship since March of 2008 where he now serves as an Elder, member of the prayer team, and small group leader. Josh is currently father of two girls (Clara, 4, and Mia, 2) and soon to be three with another on the way this year! He also gets to put his detail-oriented, spreadsheet-making and math-loving (aka nerd side) to good use as an Engineering System Team Leader at Cummins.