Married With Parents

In Genesis 2:24 we read, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” It’s also repeated in Ephesians 5:31. God’s pattern for marriage involves us “leaving” our parents and “cleaving” to our spouse.

Marriage involves a change of alliance. Before marriage, one’s alliance is to one’s parents, but after marriage alliance shifts to your spouse. So what do we do when there’s a conflict between our spouse and a parent?  When there’s a conflict between the husband’s wife and his mother, the husband IS TO stand with his wife, and be very clear that he is unified with his wife.

Your parents may have suggestions about many aspects of your married life. Each suggestion should be taken seriously, but when it’s all said and done, you must make your own decision. You should no longer make decisions on the basis of what would make your parents happy but on the basis of what would make your spouse happy. Under God, you are a new unit, brought together by His Spirit to live for each other (Philippians 2:3-4).

This means that the time may come when the husband must sit down with his/her parents and explain, that you both love them very much, and they know you are married now. But you’re not going to break up your marriage just to do what they want you to, and it’s time for the husband to do what is right for his wife by making this kind of stand.  If they still don’t seem to understand then simply explain to them that is just a problem their going to have to work through on their own, but your commitment is to your wife and marriage.

Confrontation like that is NOT easy, but it can be extremely necessary if it’s causing a problem inside the marriage.  When you have conflicts with each other, do whatever you can to solve them with that same confrontation with your spouse, confrontation is not always a bad thing.  More importantly, conflict should be looked at like a stepping-stone to growth. Your goal should be to honor your spouse as a husband or wife would in a Christian marriage.

The word honor means “to show respect.” It involves treating one with kindness and dignity. Even though not all parents live respectable lives and their actions may not be worthy of honor, but because they are made in the image of God, they are worthy of honor. You can respect them for their position as your parents, even when you don’t respect their actions.

The command of Ephesians 4:31-32 must be taken seriously in our relationship with parents: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

One of the most important things you may ever do in your marriage is taking that stand with a parent (or parents) when announcing your commitment to your spouse and your desire to glorify God through your marriage!  Be united!

~Nick~