Conflicted Communication

I have always wondered why communicating with your girlfriend/boyfriend was so easy, but it becomes very difficult when you become husband/wife, and many people can relate to this. Where does this come from? Why are we so quick to attack each other instead of working together for a resolution? I come back to this……

Most of us have picked up the ways we communicate from others who have modeled it before us (i.e. parents, other married friends, etc.), and we can call it a learned behavior. It can also be that you or your spouse has a different perception of “what’s fair and what isn’t”, and not taking your spouse’s perception of “what’s fair and what isn’t” into consideration.

Let’s face it, whenever we try to gain leverage over our spouse IN A MANIPULATIVE way, it snowballs into some type of “game playing.” And game playing ISN’T something that a spouse should do when serious communication is involved. Or should we call it childish and immature behavior?

As Believer’s in Christ, and as HUSBANDS and Wives, we’re told to put away “childish behavior.” 1 Corinthians 13:11.  We’re also told to speak the truth in love, look at Ephesians 4:15, when Paul challenged Christians to do just that. Some of us have mastered “speaking the truth” and we’re quick to point out anything that we see in our spouse, love is lost right away and we are willing to use any method to drive the point home. (i.e. attacking, judging, etc.)

There are some of us stuck at the “in love” part of communication or confrontation. Believing in complete acceptance and tolerant of any behavior our spouse portrays. Often we become overwhelmed with a fear of hurting our spouse’s feelings and withdraw completely from the conversation and sometimes from the relationship as a whole.

Speaking the truth in love allows us to confront sinful behavior with absolute care and respect when we say this the way the person can accept it as it is. When you live out Paul’s challenge of “speaking the truth in love” to each other, you must “put off” your old ways and “put on” love in it’s place.

Ephesians 4:2-7 tells us to be patient with one another in love and make every effort keep the unity of the Spirit through peace. Honoring God’s Word and living to please Him is where it has to start, but through that, God’s Love begins to take over and you will see the blessing flow!

Start serving your spouse today!

~Nick~